THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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