so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
