Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
