Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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