you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What a dumb baby whore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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