Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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