So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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