im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
