In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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