I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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