The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
