I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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