Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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