I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
