Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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