Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i think i just lost a toe
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
