sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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