So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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