I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
