just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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