I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
