Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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