Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
