I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
