I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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