there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
