he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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