You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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