Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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