He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
