Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
