I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
