I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
