just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
