I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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