don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
