All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize