I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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