ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
