What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
