y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
