I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
