One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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