I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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