dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
