I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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