Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
