To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
