Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
