...so i touched it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
