absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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