dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
