What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
