Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
