That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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