Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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