Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
