she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
