i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize