I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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