well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
