I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
