I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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