I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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