She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
