I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
