Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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