Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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