Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
