I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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