she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
