Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
