I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
