His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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