broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
