I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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