I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
