I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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