dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
