There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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