hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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